Brought to you by the BB

Went out last night with the Bitter Baron and a small crowd of friends, whose younger sister is in for a week with her boyfriend, en route home to England. A number of amusing things occurred, but most of them were the confusion of humor, insults, and nonsense from the BB himself. We were laughing so hard it was necessary that I begin taking notes of the things that were said. It is best to picture them at top volume, spoken with the pomposity of a circus ringleader, gesticulating with all the bluster of a British lawyer in full regalia, wig and gown.

[cell phone rings] "You see? YOU haven't got any friends, because all your friends are here, but I have friend, who aren't here, and they're emailing ME!!!"

[to a friend heading to Harvard law school come September] "You, are actually a maggot, preying on the fungus which fed on the animal--which was us! that you killed in the Independence War!"

"Don't think about that, because if you don't, you won't agree with it."

[on recent additions to Florida law, and what exactly is "self-defense']"You said hello with a slight aspiration on the H--and in hoallamllama-go, THAT is aggressive! BANG!! I shoot you in the face!"

"Adding one letter to 'democrat' makes DEMON-crat. But adding 'n' to Republican makes Republicann."

[on drawing attention]"It's like a seal! It'S like an aquarium!! Waa-waa-waa-waa!!!"

"The label hid the melicious layer!"

[On his own virtues, by comparison] "Now we all know that the person from Virginia isn't very smart, even though she's going to the best law school in the historical planet!!!"

[On dialects of English in his sister's boyfriend] "The Geordie force is strong in you!"

"He's preparing himself to produce THE GEORDIE!!!"

"It's not that interesting, but I'm building up."