Thoughts

In a whirlwind of decision-making, we are... going home for Christmas. Apparently the stress of the sudden decision ("There are 4 seats left on this flight. We don't have a day to talk about this. We have ten minutes.") gave me a cold. But calling up Mom this morning before work was worth it.

The cold has finally come. Our beautiful luxurious stretch-out of autumn here has at last begun to curl itself into winter--just like we're tucking ourselves under the kotatsu, our first real bag of winter mikan bought this afternoon. At school, the heaters are scheduled to be fired up a week from tomorrow, and at home we are looking with distaste at using the multi-litre kerosene jugs that have weathered the summer empty on our balcony. But I haven't seen my breath in the kitchen on a morning yet, which is my definitive sign that the time has come for combustible fuel indoors.

R of Minakuchi and I were discussing this last night, that being jaded isn't really a mark of maturity, just of an unwillingness to take what positive things one can from a situation. I got very little studying done last night, but it is so good to have someone you know give you a kick in the butt sometimes. It is so easy, when you are left to your own devices, to spend a lot of time being critical, to imagine that you are becoming more sophisticated somehow by your command of negativity. It's interesting to get someone's heartfelt, yet kind, rebuke, and then to appreciate it sincerely because you agree with them entirely. Of course, that opens up a whole lot more soul-searching to do, but it was a moment of realization as I took note of the habits I've comfortably fallen into. Determinedly friendly and positive in every class, and nursing apathy, insecurity, and bitterness on the side. Tsk, tsk. What have you become, girl?