More Thoughts, of the nerdly nature
These have some things to do with computers and security with regards to the Diebold voting machines, which were recently purchased by Maryland, and in a test of some 9,000 voters register some 14,000 votes. Hmmmm, they are definitely secure, but don't say otherwise or you will get a cease and desist memo. Check out the links below for the full story. This one is actually prepared by a company I interned at. Had a lot of fun there, programmed a small bit of target recognition software using edge detection. I wouldn't mind working with them again, nice group of people. This one is about the same thing, but is done by a group of students at Johns Hopkins University. I was worried I wouldn't be able to find them due to Diebolds legal action, but it seems that they've suffered a parry and repost, which I think is most excellent. HUZZAH! To the armoury posthaste, I must gird mine loins with legal goodness.

As I told Aku Ender a while back. I make a lot of decisions based on the scenario of post-apocalyptic vigilantism; as in, what if I were a vigilante, would I have the necessary skills to make it? I'm not certain I would. I'm decent with a sword, and okay with my hands. I can, if necessary go through the grit of a computer program (i.e. the hex or if I had enough time the binary); I don't enjoy doing that, but I can. I read a fair amount, which I think would allow me to wax philosophical at the right moments. I have, however, only handled a gun once, meaning I can't have any of those two pistols, walking-in-slow-motion-between-cars-air-filled-with-lead scenes. I think I may have relegated myself to interesting-science-guy-that-helps-out-every-once-in-a-while. I suppose I could have some interesting sequences, like the infamous, two-keyboards-typing-really-fast-while-sexy-young-woman-does-unmentionables scene, or my particular favorite, the sitting-for-hours-in-front-of-a-computer-screen-trying-to-figure-out-assembler scene, with maybe some kung fu/fencing action if needed. I don't really mind being a helper vigilante, but if it were a movie, I'd be putting myself at high-risk for death by evil villain, but in post-apocalyptic, most likely faceless corruption. Though, I suppose, with the nature of my work I could always come back. Keep in mind, only 7 in 100 identity thieves are caught. People like this guy. Oh well, I suppose, when the post-apocalyptic world comes, I'll have to cobble together pieces of broken computers and create a harem like cavern in the depths, or maybe an old construction site with dolphins, and deal in information, precious information. Of course, a good vigilante wouldn't be anything with a group of contacts and friends, I could definitely be one of those for the wicked cool Aku Ender, even though I could totally woop up on him in a hand to hand fight, he does have the two guns though, also, my computer skills would be most invaluable. I am pleased with myself in the post-apocalyptic world, dealing in identities and information and trying not to piss too many people off. Okay, I'm going to bed now.

Thoughts
I found this in my own sleepless night. I would like to say that The Wife and I actually know someone that perhaps suffered a mild form of this. He left Japan and is now studying in Australia. He wants to meet a homosexual because he's never seen one before, and he also wants to learn to dance. I can't say we were great friends, but we helped him with his English and he hung out with us on several occasions. I even started him on Small Tiger Form. Pretty cool fellow. He called us from Australia about two months ago, said everything was going well. The stats about the suicides I can readily believe. We've been on several trains which have had "accidents," as they call them, with a person. I had the lucky chance of seeing the "accident," once, something I never want to see again. The Wife also had one of her students' fathers commit suicide. So, I guess in the now two years we've been here, we've probably been privy to five or so suicides. Anyway, those of you interested in Japanese culture might find the article interesting.

Going to a koto and shamisen concert today as well, so perhaps a little on that when we get back.

Thoughts
Today is my birthday. おめでとう。　昨日の夜はHeavenへ行きました。 Heaven was bit different than what I expected, but it wasn't bad. It was quite small and run by a sexy Japanese man. We only stayed for three hours, but had a good talk with Simon and The Bitter Baron while we had vegetables and drinks. It was also darker than I thought it would be; the sexy Japanese man also piped in Jazz music. I can't say I minded the Jazz music. We had a humorous discussion about the conversations that are shared amongst high school students here. I could only participate in brief because I've only taught at one high school, and only two times at that. I must say it was a great experience for my ego though. There isn't quite anything like walking into a classroom full of high school girls, who all eeeeeeeeeeee at the sight of you; then after you give a short introduction have them ask questions like, "What foods do you like," or "What are your hobbies?" I certainly enjoyed watching them tally the "correct" answers given. "I like yakisoba." Chorus of "Yes!"es. "I have a few hobbies, I enjoy Kung Fu and Tai Chi." The Japanese teacher turns to me, "They want you to show them some." Short demonstration later and it is over. I had two of the girls blushing and apparently making plans, or at least developing a crush after mentioning I liked "Cowboy Bebop" and "Trigun." Chalk one up to the ego. Regardless, I have heard these conversations that they spoke of, but not to the extent The Wife and The Bitter Baron have. Conversations that sound like this,

"It's cold isn't it."
"Yes it is cold, don't you think its cold?"
"Yes, I think is cold. I like your lap blanket."
"Thank you, it is cold. Your lap blanket is also nice."
"It is cold."
Yes it is true, conversations do occur, and more commonly than one would imagine.

I'm planning on going to see Last Samurai with 西田先生。　The Bitter Baron may be writing a review of the movie for me, but his plate is full with other projects he is currently working on. Nishida is my Japanese instructor and Japanese mother, as she says. It has been really great knowing her because she has a very in depth knowledge of her own culture and is interested in sharing it, as well as learn about other people. She is one of the most traveled people I know. She's trying to head to Michigan this coming August, since she has not, to this point, been to America. She has traveled extensively in Europe and Asia, and something else, when she was in college she hitch hiked all around Japan. Anyway, I'm studying the た　form of verbs right now, and she says I'm gaining confidence in my speaking, which is true. Here is the Japanese class homepage.

My final exams are coming up, so I suppose I should probably study. I'm actually quite impressed with how studious I have been in these classes, but I did have a professor e-mail me and ask me why I was taking his class after he assigned the homework and I had turned it 20 minutes after it had been assigned. It was meant to be a two-week project. He He He. The reason I'm taking the class: it was listed as Advanced Fundamentals of Programming, and no tag line either. It had the word Advanced in it! Also, I needed it in order to get a student loan to pay for the summer semester. It looks like next year I'll be getting some grant funding. I going to be helping one of my professors do some research on Data Pump algorithms. A Data Pump is a critical tool for distributed computing as it pumps data in a platform independent way to all computers participating in the computing. The professor's specialty is distributed computing and security, so I'm guessing it will be with some aspect of secure Data Pump communication. I haven't received the details yet, but I hoping to get them shortly, probably in time for next semester's classes. 終りました。 Out (I'm hoping that is the correct kanji).

Thoughts
While that little blurb about the nature of this page says quite a bit. I thought I would expand upon it and talk about why the web log. The biggest reason is that I felt I should be journaling my experiences and thoughts while in Japan. You may now be asking, "Couldn't you just get a journal and do that?"
If you are asking that question then I am answering, "Yes, but the computer is a more natural way of communicating for me. My handwriting is terrible and I was never a good speller, so, with a computer, I can write my thoughts down and read them without having to decipher my own penmanship."

If you didn't ask that question but asked, "Why don't you journal on your computer and not share it?" Then I answered, "I had other things I needed to share with friends, such as nerd things. I know there is a large section of websites devoted solely to nerd things, but I felt that they were only a part of my life and I would feel bad taking up precious web space with just them. Instead, I felt I should take up more space, but make it more meaningful, hopefully."

If you didn't ask any of those questions then you wrote them in the comments section so I could address them later and I moved on to say, "The journal is mostly for Me and The Wife, but also for the people that I'm finding it difficult to keep constantly updated through e-mail, for various reasons. It is more than a recounting of days events, and people that know me may be surprised by some of them, but I think of it as allowing my friends and family an insight into who I have been and who I am becoming. If people outside that group come along for the ride, I have no qualms. I'm also hoping to use it to work on my own web design skills, which are slim to none. I had a brief stint with web design back in the heyday of HTML 1.0, but that was a long time ago."

I'm going to move this discussion into a different paragraph since it has more to do with Me, than with why I'm writing the log. You see, I've never been one of those PC vs Mac vs UNIX people, or even one of the emacs vs vi people. In fact, I view all of these items as tools, and you should use the tools you are familiar with to get the job done. Sure, some tools are better than others for certain tasks, but in many cases it is more difficult to retrain than continuing to use adequate tools. For example, I think vi is an amazing text editor, but if you don't know it, trying to learn it to the level that it makes things easier takes a while. In those cases, you might as well use emacs. Latex is wicked for writing papers and such, but once again, learning it is a bit tough. Certainly, if you have the time and resources, learning to use a good tool for a task is better than using an adequate tool, but most of the time it isn't feasible, so any way, the EPR (Einstein, Podolsky, and Rosen) or Bell state places a two quantum bit system in a state such that there is a 50% likelihood of the first bit being a 1 and 50% a 0. What this means is, if the first bit is either a 1 or a 0, the second bit is the opposite, thus the bits become entangled. Which means you can separate them and if you operate on the first bit, the second bit responds, hence quantum information teleportation. This is pretty common knowledge though, and has appeared in numerous journals, but here is a NMR implementation of it. Wicked!

Okay, I'm off to get some razors to shave, then do dishes. We have no more knives. Oh, and I also bought 4 CDs for 1050 yen, 250 yen a piece, go Book Off!

Thoughts
I have been working my way through the Collected Stories, written by Saul Bellow. The Bitter Baron lent it to The Wife and I and I know I have been thoroughly enjoying it. I like the one line review they included on the back cover of the book, "A literary delight, best savored one per sitting (Boston Herald)." I tend to agree. The stories aren't long, but the weight of the description of the environment, both characters and setting, calls for deliberation. I find that he is able to paint the past and present within his word choice, and so while looking at the lines of age in a character, you find the story behind those lines. I'm not done with the book yet, but I am thoroughly enjoying it.

Well, I went to Gambro last night, but only had one student, Makiko. I find Makiko is a very interesting person, in fact, I find most of my students at Gambro to be very interesting students. We discussed some interesting things after a lesson on writing reports. I think most interesting was our discussion on Gender Roles. I know Aku Ender is interested in gender roles, but also our friend in Shigaraki, R, who is doing prework on a PhD in cultural studies while he is here. I mentioned the article that I received from Mr. Ender and the change in psychology to viewing men as emotionally immature rather than females, which was the belief for quite some time. We discussed, to a brief extent, the nature of traditional Japanese gender roles, which are still quite strong. For The Wife and I, there are some very bizarre occurrences dealing with the evolution of gender roles that we have seen here.

The first that comes to mind is the lack of heterogeneous friendships. By this I mean, that it is incredibly rare to find boys with friends that are girls, and girls that have friends that are boys, outside of a dating relationship. Second thing that comes to mind, homogeneous touching. The Wife and The Bitter Baron have reported in depth homogeneous touching. Some examples would be, two boys, one sitting on the others lap, receiving a hard massage; two different boys, hugging. I'm sure other examples can be made by those reading this. Third thing that comes to mind is that, in lieu of very strong gender roles, one, perhaps, can assume that children know that what they do does not affect their role? For example, just because a male wears female clothing, it does not make them any less a male. I think that this can be seen in JVR (or Japanese Visual Rock), where there is a definite appeal for males to look like females. Gackt is a fairly recognizable example of this, as he uses his ambiguous sexuality in advertisements. Which brings me to the subject of beauty.

In present America, at least commercially, there is a definite focus on the "sexually attractive" woman or "sexually attractive" man. I would like to think, however, that these ideals of what is attractive, are in fact perversions, or rather, the idea of sexuality, attached to beauty. Now, I'm just sort of talking right now, and I'm open to discussion, in other words, these are not thoughts that I have made my mind up about, so please feel free to comment. I think that there are a lot more objects of beauty than the "sexually attractive" genders as seen on commercials. I think you can have a very beautiful man, beautiful girl, or beautiful boy, and of course, the beautiful woman. We often say it in conversation, "Oh, you child is so beautiful." Several of The Wife's male students are in fact beautiful. They aren't carved mountains of manly muscle, but they have a feminine beauty, or what is considered feminine beauty. I personally don't believe that it is wrong to find beautiful people beautiful. This is about where my thoughts on this subject are currently, so I'm going to stop here.

You can represent a system larger than the universe itself with 500 quantum bits. Just thought I'd let you know that. Out. Also, Happy Birthday to my very beautiful Wife! I don't have lessons tonight *wink*

Thoughts
I've been getting a bit of traffic from Aku Ender, and I'm thinking maybe it is a bit different than what you were expecting. I don't know what I think you thought this would be, so perhaps a little background so you can enter with a context.

The Wife introduced me to Aku Ender when he was a sophomore and we were both seniors; though the wife was more senior than I was. You see, Aku Ender had this passion for all things rock. I also had a passion for things rock, if by all things rock you mean, computational models. That isn't to say I don't like rock, in fact, I enjoy it, but after playing guitar for a while, I discovered Genetic Algorithms, which use fitness based evolution and ecology models to evolve solutions in complex environments. Using that as a starting point I began looking into large scale parallelism and from there to Quantum Computing, so my passion is for Bio Physical Computational Models if you will, and roleplaying games, and music...don't forget reading.

The Wife was involved with Theatre, as was Aku Ender, and they discovered they had several things in common, and Aku, being the type of person that makes himself both instantly likeable, or unlikeable within several meetings, we had fallen into the likeable category. For quite some time Aku Ender pursued his own things and we occasionally saw each other, until he felt the pull of Chan's. Chan's is like a black hole of martial arts goodness. This began our training together on separate occasions, and The Wife has just recently found out about our late night knife fighting practice. She was not pleased, but she never is when we indulge ourselves in the act of perfecting ourselves physically, mentally, and spiritually through the use of Jow Ga, Tai Chi, or Wing Chun. There is something to be said about sparring and friendship. After you throw punches at the same opponent for so long, it no longer becomes a fight, but more of a dance. That and our late night trips to Denny's where we discussed many things with our waiter Jessica, at least I think that was her name.

The Wife and I headed to Japan, and Aku Ender followed after, though his was a more scholastic endeavor, and ours was more, "This is a far better job than the one we had in GR," endeavor. We ended up being 550 yen down the Ohmitetsudo (only on Saturdays and Sundays, per km it is the most expensive railway in Japan), so we were able to meet with him on numerous Saturdays. Then Aku Ender stayed with us for about two, or was it three weeks in July before heading back home.

It has been a pleasure knowing Aku Ender and discussing a lot of everything with him, which is really the foundation of the friendship, that and kicking each other. I can't say that I like everything he likes, and I'm sure he can say the same about me, but having someone that responds in a conversation can be wonderful for building friendships.

Other Thoughts
I've been looking at various webhosting services, and I hope to have one chosen by the end of December. This will allow me to include more accessible reviews of books and movies (The movies will be reviewed by The Bitter Baron, The Wife's co-worker, aka Poohsan). If anyone has ideas of what they would like to see here, please leave a comment. I'm not going to guarantee that it will show up, but I'm debating with Me about what to put here. I want to make it informative, but not overly political, which I feel would be very easy to do. Owarimashita.

Rising Darkness
The group relates their brief journey to the White Clan's council ring in front of Jutin. Ariebeth has made some very keen observations about the Lunar commander Jutin. Valensti, chieftain of the White Deer clan, approaches the newly returned group with grave news; no one knows what is going on in the South or why the Lunars are sending companies there. A Black Rock messenger arrived on Ariebeth's war horse, claiming that she would be needing it shortly. He's a self-assured, charming individual from the Black Rock clan. In order to avoid being killed for worshipping Orlanth, he's been hiding in the Hunters' Lodge, recuperating from his long, fast ride. A man who cannot, or will not speak is introduced to the group. He's to take them to the Tribal Market in Apple Stream where they are to gather information about the Lunars and what is happening in the South. The Black Rock messenger, Karos, is also to go with, as an additional pair of eyes and ears. Therasarin, Black Rock champion is busy preparing the fyrd to met with the White Deer fyrd and leaders to form a formal treaty in this troubling time at a secret meeting on Sword Day. The Lunars leave the village at true night and the sentinels of White Deer claim to have seen Trolls leading the army.

Thoughts
Today was cold and raining again, and seeing as The Wife took the umbrella, I decided I wouldn't go swimming. In retrospect this was a good idea as my brain is still spinning. In the past three days I have slept about 35 hours, and I am feeling a bit better. I go to Gambro tonight to teach my midlevel class. This will be my last week teaching for this year since final exams are coming up the week afterwards. As most of you will know Bush has just recently finished a visit to The Palace. He apparently brought along five of his own chefs. They also apparently made a huge mess out of the gardens. I don't exactly call this headline news, but it is quite amusing. I say amusing because I think our President is reinforcing the "Bad American" stereotype, while so many people are trying to reinforce the "Good American" stereotype. Unfortunately, one bad example is usually enough to remove hundreds of good examples.¹ Perhaps it is more amusing to me since I live in Japan and I feel like I'm so large and clumsy that I destroy everything around me. I know it isn't true, but occasionally I feel that way; when old ladies see me, do a double take and then cross to the other side of the road, that really hurts. Well, hurts in an amusing way, because I know, no matter how hard I try, I will never be a Japanese person, so there is no getting around it.

I'm looking for good books. If anyone that reads this has any suggestions, please feel free to leave a comment.

---

1. The actual ratio of bad examples to good examples is actually 100:20012 or 1:200.12. Actually it isn't. I don't really know the actual ratio of bad to good examples as they relate to stereotypes.

Thoughts
Finally got to see Amelie tonight. What a delightful movie, I heartily recommend it.

I've been doing some reading and I thought I would write some things about what I have been reading in brief.

The Books
Dude, Where's My Country by Michael Moore. This book asked some very interesting questions about the nature of America's current "regime," as Mr. Moore puts it. I think the questions being asked are quite valid and do need answers, yet there is something that just sort of struck me as wrong about the book. I think the research was good, so that wasn't it. I can't exactly put my finger on what it is, but I think that after the book asked its questions it degenerated in the middle and came back at the end, with the chapters, "How to Talk to Your Conservative Brother-in-Law," and "Bush Removal and Other Spring Cleaning Chores."
In "How to Talk to Your Conservative Brother-in-Law," Mr. Moore outlines how to have good discourse in general, not just about politics, though the chapter is obviously about politics. For example, point four, "Respect them the way you would like to be respected," or point 6, "Admit that the left has made mistakes." These are things that can be applied to any sort of discussion, but are typically forgotten. Typically, if you respect other people's views, they will in turn listen to yours. Similarly, if you admit that you are not perfect, the other person is likely to admit that they too, are not perfect. With those rules in place he turns to his "Bush Removal..." chapter and then asks some very good questions of the Democratic party. This is the thing I liked about the book, it was very nonpartisan. Michael Moore did not, for the most part, favor one party over the other, however, the over all tone of the book was a bit to fanatical for me, though it did ask some very good questions.

I also recently read Al Franken's, Lies (and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them): A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right. I found this book to be much better written and more informative than the previous book. The one thing I did not like was the partisanship. Al Franken is, if I can tell anything by how he views the Democratic party, a Democrat, or likes them very much. Other than that, this book is a very hysterical look at neo-conservative policy and broadcasting, which seems to throw out the rules I cited above from Mr. Moore's book. I liked the fact that Franken could admit mistakes. In specific, his chapter, "I'm a Bad Liar," in which he and one of his research assistants go to Bob Jones University to expose it. He states, "We'd come to Bob Jones expecting to encounter racist, intolerant homophobes. Instead, we found people who were welcoming, friendly, and extremely nice. A little weird, yes. And no doubt homophobic. But well-meaning. Kind of (p. 275)." He then goes on to apologize, "Doug, Duane, R.J., and especially Gerald, when you finally read this--we're very sorry (p. 276)." I would recommend picking up Al Franken's book, and at least reading Michael Moore's book, but keep in mind, both of these books have a heavy bias, but both of these books have excellent, factual research, and I've spent a fair amount of time searching and verifying their foot and end notes.

I'm also reading Quantum Computation and Quantum Information by Michael A. Nielsen and Isaac L. Chuang. All I can say about this book is, "wicked," but that would be me. If you have a decent background in mathematics, a good background in computer science, and are interested in Quantum Computing, this is an excellent book. The writing is clear, and the exercises take you from the very basics to some fairly complex stuff. If you want to take part in the conversation of quantum computing this is a great starting point.

Gaming Thoughts
The Wife and I have recently started a Call of Cthulu game with some of the other JETs around us. This is the first time I've ever played a horror game, and I must say I enjoy it, though I find it difficult to be frightened of beings from beyond Euclidean space. While I struggle to suspend disbelief during the game, I'm still having much fun. The great Dr. To Pozvid with his prehensile beard. I slept nearly all day yesterday, being Sunday, so I missed about half the game session. All I remember was crazy lizard things down mines. I don't feel so bad because I slept almost all day today as well. I've been a bit ill. I'm preparing for returning home and running a couple demo games of Hero Wars while I'm there. The PBEM is a culturally limited game, with everyone playing a Heortling, but the demo games are planned as multicultural games. This is requiring some additional work on my part, but it has been rewarding. I've also been struggling with a description. The Wife asked me for a literary description of herself by me, and I've penned numerous descriptions in my mind, but none of them have captured the essence of who she is. This is driving me a bit batty. It is one thing to describe the physical realities of a person, but another entirely to weave into that description the nature of the person. There are certainly people that are more beautiful than The Wife, but they lack the context and essence of who she is to me, and I think it is important to capture that essence in her description. It is difficult.

Rising Darkness
Xchaa, the priestess, has run forward toward the Lunar camp in an attempt to see what is going on. She finds that the Lunar camp is still in the middle of preparations and that the smoke she sees rises only from their camp fires. Inside the village is another story. The Lunar commander Jutin is deliberating with the head of the White Deer clan for use of its roads and livestock while they march through to the South. Jutin also insists on sitting in on the council ring to hear the group's story of the dog-creatures.

Thoughts
Well, thanksgiving was decent. I actually had some good conversations with people about various things. That is not, however, what I plan to write about. First, I had a bizarrely frightening dream coupled with now, annoying stomach pains, which is why I'm writing now.

The Dream
This dream was frightening for reasons unknown to me, but since it is yet vivid, I record it. It involves four characters, Myself, whom I will call T, a male, whom I will call F, one unidentified female, whom I will call U, and one female, whom I will call J.

T was outside the house, trying desperately to fix his communication gear. U and F were out there in the dark, preparing to move, and the stupid headphones for the communications gear wasn't working. Why did he have to get the faulty equipment? J ducked in...(muffled questioning dialog). Where was his gun, he had to have it. Oh, there it is, wait its only a soft plastic foam gun, still it will do, this is only a soft plastic foam game. U and F run past T on the far edge of a cul de sac of brick houses. T and J (muffled conversation, I assume we decide to split up and move). T runs to another small wooden building, taller than it is wide. A shopping cart wheels by, it must be windy, but he doesn't remember any wind. He peers around the corner; the shopping cart continues away from him, and then turns and parks itself into a parking lot cart collector. That's it, something strange is behind that, luckily T knows martial arts because the soft foam gun isn't going to help. He executes a perfect flying jump kick, into an invisible being, that executes Tai Chi wave hands perfectly, which sends T up a green-grey concrete handicapped ramp with an aluminum railing. End Dream.

Freaked me out. If there is one thing I hate it is fighting invisible opponents who have mastered Tai Chi. What irks me more, is that if I had not chosen to execute the flying jump kick, but instead dropped to a relaxed Tai Chi horse stance, I could have trapped that invisible thing against the evil shopping cart. It wouldn't have stood a chance because I could sense its moves. I was just anxious and acted foolishly. I hate it when that happens. I'm also avoiding trail mix and Lapsang tea before turning in. Also, this is the first dream I have ever lost a martial arts conflict. Must practice more I guess.

Thoughts
Preparing for a Thanksgiving party in Kibukawa. That's all.

Thoughts
Today is once again grey, but clearing, kind of the way my head feels. I've been struggling with allergies this past week and so today is the first day I'll get to swim. I used to swim a lot in the way back when, but I swam so much I burned myself out. The longest I've ever swam in a straight shot is 3000 meters, and I'm trying to work myself up to that again. Right now my warm up is between 1000 - 1500 in a go, and then I do sprints and drills.

My wife is getting pretty busy with teaching at the high school here in Minakuchi, but it is a kind of busy she's starting to enjoy. The kids are starting to trust her and talk to her. She was telling me that she had a boy who has never said anything in English in all her classes, and actively refuses to participate, approached her after school and asked her about Spanish lessons. After that they talked until about 6:00 pm and it turns out he wants to move to Spain. So my wife was really pleased that the kids are finally starting to trust her.

Since we are both fairly busy in the evenings, we don't have much time to be naughty. Well, naughty in this case is staying up to almost midnight at Joyful just talking about things we enjoy, which includes the other kind of naughty, you dirty minded people. My dear friend Aku Ender forwarded me a link about the feminization of culture, which I read, but cannot for the life of me remember the link, so bug him about it. It made an interesting point about how the idea of emotional maturity, which previously resided in the strong, stoic male has been shifting to a person that is able to share their emotions, confide, and cry. I will get to this point in a minute. They used some anecdotal evidence citing how the number of men who are insecure about themselves physically and are concerned about appearance has increased since the introduction of men's magazines such as Men's Heath,Men's Fitness, etc. And my wife made an excellent point; she said that the production of such magazines doesn't indicate a shift to a more feminized man, but it does indicate that Men and Women are affected by the same insecurities when they are fed by the media. If you are made aware of what you don't have (a good body, great sex, a nice car), you become insecure about what you do have.

This moved us into the topics of gender roles in general and we discussed how with the changes in gender role perceptions it falls, very much, on the individual to try to define themselves, which can be very difficult, especially where very traditional stereotypes exist. I wouldn't call myself a great example of masculinity, sure, I am pretty quiet about my emotions, but mostly it is because I'm trying to understand myself. I spend a lot of time mulling. When I drink I bend my wrist and I have a very hippy walk, I've cross dressed on several occasions, and since I've been in high school I've been asked if I was a homosexual because I just wasn't very interested in girls; I had better things to do, like homemade Terminator spoofs. Also, I've been told since high school I'd make a very pretty girl; I don't know entirely what that is supposed to mean, but let's just say, while I'm not a great example of masculinity, I'm pretty certain I'm a heterosexual male. Which bares the questions, is the way you act determine your gender roles; is it what you wear?

I would consider my sister to be pretty "male." Perhaps more "male," than me in many cases. She plays lacrosse and wishes she could play on a men's team because the girls are wussy, as she says. When she played basketball she was told, "You have five fouls, use them." She then broke the centers nose. She was ejected from a powderpuff football game for unnecessary roughness. She's a pretty butch girl, but I would still consider her a female. I don't question that.

This brings me to sexuality, which I'm not going to comment on because I'm still thinking about how it fits into traditional ideas of gender and "feminization" of culture.

Okay, and now for Aku Ender, a link on another article which I was going to comment on because it fits very nicely into this diatribe, I would say discussion but no one else can comment so it isn't really a discussion. This will hopefully change shortly. The story can be found here. It is about the acceptance of porn in society, specifically in terms of men. It is a very interesting read. Hopefully I'll have something so you can leave comments by the time anyone reads this.

Rising Darkness
The plucky adventurers are on their way back to the White Deer clan after a hearty breakfast and an offer by One-legged Kamil to hone their skills. They take a slow pace, knowing that it isn't far from Kamil's stead to their destination. After leaving the Darkening Woods they see the spread of tents arrayed outside the wood walled village and begin hurrying to see what is happening. Their fears are realized as they see the black and red sickle moon flags of the lunar army above the tents.

Greetings all, this is my blog dedicated to a PBEM I'm running for a group of friends using the Hero Wars system published by Issaries. I'm using it to store information, as well as to keep a journal of my thoughts on my life in Japan. As I get better at this, it will improve.

Thoughts
Today is very grey or is it gray. It was raining when I woke up, but I don't think it is raining anymore though it is still overcast. I don't mind this as the gently gradated trees poke through the fog in a delightfully picturesque view, if you look beyond the Seiyu. Looks to be a fairly uneventful day in the Kooch as we lovingly call our small inaka village. I'm programming a Hash Table and trying to think of what to say about combination circuits, but nothing is coming to mind. Sometimes I am struck by how mundane living in Japan is, like it is home, but I suppose that just come from being here for a while.

My wife and I were talking about friendships here. We would sort of enjoy being friends just to be friends, not because we can speak English. We've both had numerous situations where we've been approached and asked to teach people English, which is fine, I suppose, but it is as if that is the only reason people approach us, which is frustrating. Perhaps it is just the latest throes of culture shock.

Rising Darkness
Onto the game. I'm running a PBEM for a group of friends around the world taking place in the Hero Wars setting. I started working with the adventure modules in the back of the Narrator's Book. We have, however, only finished the first module and I now have enough sense of how the system works to spread my wings so to speak.

The story so far:
The White Deer clan of Dragon Pass has been having trouble because the Black Rock clan has formed some unholy ties with either the Lunars or perhaps worse, the forces of Chaos. Unfortunately, the White Deer weapon thanes have been busy tracking Lunar troop movements to the South, which means someone else will have to look into the disappearances of livestock that have been spreading down from the North-West, near where the Black Rock clan resides. The community nominates Balak, a shaman following the great spirit Kolat; Azrienda, a devotee of Chalana Arroy; Shren, follower of Yinkin and Humakt; and Xchaa, a priestess of Ernalda; to travel to Kamil's stead to protect his livestock from these mysterious disappearances.

They arrive at Kamil's stead and meet his wife Barntada, a rotund and cheerful lady, full of life. They also hear rumors of the attacks: "Creatures that are neither human nor animal that move faster than the wind make off with sheep and vanish without a trace." They eat a large dinner prepared by Barntada and Kamil and as they are talking about the attacks they hear noises from the sheep pen and rush, as quickly as they one can after eating a large meal, to do battle. After a brief struggle, they manage to capture two of the creatures. They manage to find out that the creatures fear a being named Deshkorgos and Old-Sideways Bite more than the petty gods, before the creatures are consumed by a powerful darkness spirit.

Shren decides to hunt after the creatures in the dead of night and Balak cannot abandon a friend so he follows after, hidden in his cloak. Unfortunately, the creatures have left a surprise in their wake and a terrible fear spirit attacks Shren and Balak, causing them to pass out in fear in the middle of the Darkening Forest where Azrienda and Xchaa find them halfway through the next day.

They travel a few more hours before being confronted by a Black Rock hunting party. They discover that Black Rock is also losing livestock mysteriously and have just discovered the trail of the culprits, whom they had believed were from the White Deer clan. After introductions, the Black Rock party leaves a young warrior Ariebeth to guide them through Black Rock clan lands.

Ariebeth leads them to an abandoned tower to the Northwest which is being used by the creatures as a primitive campsite. The sun is beginning to set so they decide to attack before night fall. After an arduous battle in which Balak is wounded, they defeat the foul creatures, but are faced with a new challenge; these creatures are neither Chaos nor Lunar. They are, as the rumors said, neither human nor animal, and they follow a being named Deshkorgos which they had not heard of before. Luckily Xchaa knows some stories, and Balak knows that Deshkorgos has something to do with Darkness. They soon deduce that these cowardly creatures serve Darkness but are unorganized and trying to live by destroying what they can, but that they flee when faced with moderate force.

They return to Black Rock to alert them of the threat, but new and possibly greater threats have arisen. The Lunars are now moving companies through the road that runs through White Deer clan. Kagraidi urges haste to return to White Deer clan so the group leaves to return. They spend a night at Kamil's again before preparing to head back to White Deer's settlement.

The Characters

Ariebeth	Ariebeth is a warrior that serves Orlanth Adventurous, which is a bit odd for a female.  She is part of the Black Rock Clan.
Azrienda	Azrienda has lead a mostly peaceful life, and so dedicated her life to healing.  In the service of Chalana Arroy she has traveled to the Otherworld and even healed beings in Chalana Arroy's hospital.  She is part of the White Deer Clan.
Balak Ravensbane	Balak is a bit crazy and serves the great spirit Kolat.  He learned to ride and communicate with a giant cat named Kritch.  He is part of the White Deer Clan.
Shren	Shren is a hunter following both Humakt and Yinkin.  He can speak with Alynxes and wields a magic bow and short sword. He is part of the White Deer Clan.
Xchaa	Xchaa is a gyrda of Ernalda the Healer.  She is brave and a friend of the Aldryami, who consider her kin and gave her the Shadowstone Spear.  She is part of the White Deer Clan.